Now What? Taking Steps Forward When Everything Stops…

I thought all this time would prepare me for taking steps forward once the unthinkable happened… I couldn’t have been more WRONG.

You’ve spent the last two years battling cancer with your loved one.  You’ve been stressed to the absolute max, you’ve questioned your faith and come out stronger, and you have rose to every single challenge cancer has thrown at you (even when you could barely get out of bed) …

Then suddenly everything stops.

The journey has ended, and you find yourself with tons of time and WAY too many thoughts…

As quickly as everything went to hell, it all changes back.  Without warning, you suddenly get your time back, and now you are charged with the task of taking steps forward when all you really want to do is climb back into bed.

Suddenly, you get your life back.

There is a problem though… you don’t want your life back.  And figuring out how to start taking steps forward, seems impossible.

In fact, you would trade anything in the world to go back to the most stressful and chaotic point of your life just to have more time with the person you love.

Cancer really does change everything.  From the beginning to the end nothing will ever be the same.

And now that you’ve gone through this experience, you are different.

Let’s just say… the person who ran into that storm and the person who came out of the storm are two different people.

Now, you’ve seen things and experienced things that have changed…

• The way you think about life.
• The way you see everything.
• The way you appreciate things.
• The way you notice things.
• The way you realize how much time you have wasted on things that don’t matter…

So, how do you start taking steps forward?

There is no easy answer to this question.  You just do.  Life goes on around you and you do your best to participate when you can. Our bodies and our minds were created to help us adapt and adjust to the changes going on around us.

Some days you can’t even deal with taking steps forward, at all.

Somedays you cry all day and you just can’t get it together.  Somedays you feel a little better.  Somedays it seems like you might be healing in the right direction and there is hope that things will be okay again.

Then out of nowhere… you see something, burst into tears and you’re right back to where you started.

You just have to go through it.  All of it.  The stages and phases of grief (I personally prefer to stay in the “anger stage” I find it is much easier than being sad all the time).

Since my dad passed away a few months ago, each day has been its own struggle. 

We thought it would be easier.  We had a ton of time to prepare for this, and time to talk about everything that was happening and what might be coming.  We had been battling cancer together, side-by-side for almost two years…

And suddenly everything just stopped.  The battle, the conversations, the experiences we had together.  And we find ourselves totally lost when it came to taking steps forward.

I wake up every morning with burning questions I want to ask him, and things I can’t wait to tell him.  So, on the second day… I decided to tell him anyway, despite the fact that he’s not here to answer me.

Every  day gets a little bit different and I’m never sure what to expect.  But because I am an eternal optimist, every day I wake up hoping today will be better.  And most days I am right.

You have to keep going.

Wake up every morning and do the best you can.  You won’t feel like it at first, you won’t feel like doing anything at first.

When you’re ready, start taking small steps forward …

• Find things that make you feel happy again.
• Spend time with the people who make you feel better.
• Do things.
• Plan things.
• Make sure you have things to look forward to.

There is no quick and easy solution to getting through this. 

The phrase “take it one day at a time” was written by someone going through something exactly like this.   If today is already shot, cry your eyes out and hope for a better day tomorrow.

That’s all you can do…

Understand there will be bad, bad days and pray every day that you get a few good ones in there.  Get through today the best you can and HOPE for a better day tomorrow. And hopefully, as you start taking those small steps forward your days begin to feel more good than bad.

“Grief never ends… But it changes. It’s a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith… It is the price of love.”
— Unknown

P.S. If you’re overwhelmed by all this cancer business, we can relate! 

The Cancer Binder Pack will walk you through the quick and easy system we used for organizing medical information.

Step-by-step instructions, printable forms, and monthly calendar pages so you can ALWAYS find what you need when you need it. And, the best part it’s FREE…

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